Behind The Scenes
by Imires
Summary: With every good game comes the rehearsal and with every rehearsal come problems,but these problems aren't your everyday character name calling these are far more complicated and funny [I'll edit this one last. Don't read, its' unfit for criticism!]
1. Gift or Curse

Behind the Scenes

Hiya peoples (and for any of you who reviewed me last time, I'm back and betta than eva (or at least I hope so) and well I've been here for a while and now I'm here to entertain you today, night, evening what ever works for you! So enjoy and if you don't like humor and would rather read lovey dovey crap (which I like it too but I would also like to read some of the funnies to ya know) then I've got two things to say to ya, you could either one: put down your dainty tea cups and go play in the mud. Or two: you could just stop reading here and go jab yourself with a spoon until you realise that I'm here to present the funny not the "oh Kiwi (Kiari) I wuv you"! just kidding but still if you don't like the funny look else where bub! So please enjoy if you're here for a good laugh and not the soap opera stuff...

**(TADA!)** Disclaimer: I do not, **I REPEAT, DO NOT** own any of the Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy characters (especially Sora the hot and sexy muffin, he belongs to Squaresoft and of course he's also Kiari's. Although I do own Samaru, Rimi, Susan, and Stev (it sounds like Steve but it's spelled differently because he's special like that!). Note: FunnyBunnyWarrior and I have joined custity of Samaru and Rimi. Man that was a mouthful, so now on to the elderly seanile non-since that is my story...

**XXXXXXX**

chapter one: Gift or Curse

Summary:We now have a new narrator named Stev (to do the voice for YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WILL OPEN THE DOOR...) not Steve with an 'E' or Steven, just Stev so now our story begins...

"I'm here, hey who are you, where's Jack our creepy narrator?" asked Sora acting concerned as he barged in for rehersal , "I'm his replacement Stev he was terrifying the audience so he had to be demoted." replied the new narrator. "You don't know how happy this makes me", he said trying to choke back his tears, then he said laid back,"So Steve you're..."

" It' not Steve with an 'E' you big-goofy-shoed-dwarf, what you think I can't read the subtitles?" Stev said interrupting Sora with a blinded rage which back fired as Sora's anger welled up inside him and he yelled infuriated,"WHAT'S WTIH EVERYONE MAKING FUN OF MY SHOES, THEY'RE NOT BIG MY FEET ARE JUST SMALL, AND ANOTHER THING I AM NOT A DWARF, MIGIT LITTLE PERSON, OR ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH MY HEIGHT, YOU GOT THAT PUNK AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU CAN READ MY CONTRACT!" "y-yes master", Stev said as he crawled under the desk like a scared wounded animal. Suddenly Riku and Kiari came in with a puzzled look on their faces then Kairi, walking towards the terrified narrator asked,"What's going on, why's the new narrator under his desk?" " Hey how did you already know about the new narrator?" Sora asked scratching his, then Riku stepped up and along with Kiari said,"Connections" then he said cunningly said," Let me guess, he called you short and made fun of your shoes didn't he?" "yeah, wait, how did you know?"

Riku just rolled his eyes and said," Connections..", this confused Sora on so many levels, which made him ponder things like: "where are they getting connections...why do people always make fun of my height and shoe size...and did I leave the hair gell out again I don't want to have to find Kiari's cat dead again from eating it, I'm getting tired of having to replace the stupid cat (secretly of course).

Kiari then went on to comforting the terrified narrator and with a gentle warm voice she said,"it's okay Stevie he won't hurt you anymore, he just get's very emotional about his appearence that's all". Then like a twig Stev snapped again and said with a fury,"** how many times do I have to tell you, you self obsorbed poser that it's Stev, not Steve with an 'E', not Stevie, and not Steviekins, get it right you hollow-headed-numb-skulled-moron!**" and with that Kiari began to cry and the boys weren't to happy about it either they were about to beat he hell out of him but then Leon came in and said with a sigh,"why are fighting, you know it's pointless, we're all going to die anyway so why spend your pointless lives pointlessly fighting, when you could be doing something else pointless, like...oh...I donno you could try saving the pointless-God-foresaken-world or something..." then Sora turned to him and said proudly,"uh...yeah...sorry to break it to ya but I already saved the world and the intire universe incase you haven't noticed" then Leon said turning to leave the rehersal room,"what-ever, look if you need me I'll be in the bathroom cutting my wrists later losers" then before he could leave the door way Sora said,"wait a sec., you cut your wrists?" then Leon retored,"uh...yeah...why else would I wear these gay-ass gloves?" then proudly and with a goofy smirk on his face, Sora said," because they're cool, all the chicks love it when I wear my gloves!" Leon sighed again and said as he left the room,"what ever you say Sora, what ever you say..." then he trailed off, then his goofy smiled faded as he realized that the narrator was nolonger nervously hidding under the desk and then before he could turn around Stev yelled," Take this half-pint!" then 'BONK!' Sora was clubed by a giganic rotting fish and was out cold the instant it smooshed his head, not from being clubed but from the horride smell of the decaying fish, when Kiari saw this she began to cry harder and louder until the security guards came...

**XXXXXXXXX**

And that's where I'm stopping for now and if you didn't find this funny don't worry it get's better, I wish I could write more but I'm beat worse than Harlem Beat, my pathetic mind can't take much more of this...so well please review...or else (if you've read her story Kingdom Idiots you would know) I will have to give FunnyBunnyWarrior yet another shipment of the world's most cute and adorible kittens...don't think I would try me!

Sora: try what?

Chobitsgirl: it's for anyone reading my story...idiot

Sora: What did you say?

Chobitsgirl: n-nothing now go get teh next shipment of kittens ready for FunnyBunnyWarrior

Sora: yes ma'am!

Chobitsgirl: please don't flame me!


	2. Horrid Awakening

Moshi-moshi and Niha to all I'm back again, and thanks a bunch to all who reviewed which wasn't alot so only 5000 shipents of the worlds most cute and adorible kittens were shipped off to FunnyBunnyWarrior and only one shipment was saved by, the one person you wouldn't believe, FunnyBunnyWarrior! le shock (F.B. quote), well this one get's way funnier (gulp, I hope cuz I only got one review last time (sob,sob, no one cares about us newbies)... well...uh...SPOOFHATS,...damn you Dr.Dumbwitten, but my good Friend F.B. wanted me to help with the dialogue for Dr.Dumbwitten in her story Kingdom Idiots and he kinda hacked his was into my mind to make me look like a complete freak sorry...I'll try and control myself! Nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww on to the disclaimer...

**(TADA) **Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy characters, but I do own (not that anyone cares) Samaru, Rimi, Susan, Stev, and my blueberrry begels, but not the banana nut jiffy muffins those are Susan's! I warn you don't eat them!

I also own a copy of every (english translated) version of Kingdom Hearts games (K.H.1, K.H. Chain of Memories, and K.H. II) not trying brag or anything just trying to claim stuff I feel like I'm a slave (to Dr.Dumb, and Fanfic) so it's nice to own _something! _well that's all for now on to the story would anyone like to say the summary?

Selphie: oo-oo can I start?

Chobitsgirl: uh, sure! I'm too lazy to do it!

Selphie: (cough,cough) well we got a new narrator named 'Stev' and he has anger problems and a rotting fish that he likes to beat people with and just resently he knocked Sora unconscious with the dang thing! Kiari began to cry louder until the security guards came while Stev was beating Sora over and over like a mad man!

Chobitsgirl: good job Selph! you get a cookie for that!

Selphie: eh, I don't do cookies only muffins!

Chobitsgirl:(sigh) I'll see what I can do but right now we have to get started with the story m'kay

Selphie: fine!

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

Chapter 2: Horrid Awakening

As Kiari screetched Stev was beating Sora repeativly with the horrid smelling fish, but now Sora was unconscious, so he didn't feel a thing until he began to dream, and being a complete and total idiot also being a boy (no offence guys, not all of you are stupid, just must) he could not control his thoughts. He began to dream of being in an Japanese brothel and at first he thouht," awesome I can get laid here and not have to worry about small talk!"

Sora then began to walk around and shouted," hello, anyone here I'd... uh.. like to check in please" , then out of nowhere they appeared...Sora's eyes widened and his puples shrank to the size of lemon seeds and his mouth hung down in shock (le shock) as he saw them come forth in a stampede of old hagered women as if going in to war they charged large coy fish, pans, fans in hand as their weapons towards the poor sap...

One, seeming to be the leader of this fleet of hormonaly embalanced hags yelled,"ROYKIN!" (meaning 'charge' in Japanese)

Sora,"oh great they can't speak english, so no sense in trying to talk them out of killing me!", he said making a run for it but the door was blockaded with heavy decoraterative furniture and so he frantically looked around for another exit but to no avail, so he discided that if he couldn't ecape then he would have to fight them off, man fighting old women, it's like trying to fight your own grandmother!

Sora got into battling mode and tried to call forth the keyblade but the only thing that materialized was a little slip of paper that fell on to the ground, when Sora noticed it he picked it up and unfolded the slip of paper.

Sora, puzzled said,"huh, a note?" he then proceeded in reading it, it read: Dear Sora,

I'm kinda in a bind and I need to use the Keyblade, I have to fight off some ex-girlfriends of mine, I'll give back to ya a-sap (as soon as possible) and don't worry this time I won't get peanut butter on it!

Your BestBuddy,

Tidus

Sora,"well great, I'm stuck here and my Keyblade is in the hands of someone who thought that it could help open the peanutbutter jar" The Keyblade is able to unlock any door but not any jars, Tidus learned this the hard way and let's just say that after Tidus attempted to open it, peanutbutter was everywhere! Sora then sqienting said,"no there's only one thing left to do..."

He then began clawing at teh brothel gate walls like a scared animal trying to ecape but when he finally made a tiny hole in the wood of the gate walls they had already proceeded in draging him away into the lobby of the brothel, as he screamed , kicked and tried to claw, but this didn't last long because after about 3 seconds of his screaming they beat him over the head with a pan and continued to drag him in.

When he awoke they were all gathered around him with voodoo stuff all around him on his face was strange war paint and on his chest was some kind of voodoo insiginia and they were all chanting something but it was in Japanese so he didn't pay any attention what he was really worried about was what they were going to do to him and if the war paint was going to affect his acene! Then he noticed that the leader was concealing something in her Kemono and when she pulled it out it was a voodoo dager with the same insiginia that was on his chest, holy shit they were going to cut him open this wasn't a brothel these were sacrifical grounds!

The head-gisha then proceeded into taking the jaged dager into both handsand was about to plunge it into the insignia on Sora's chest when all of a sudden here came Tidus! He was swinging from a string of paper lanturns and swiped Sora from out of their clutches!

You could here them yelling things like,"bakamono, orokana!" and other things that I wouldn't like to state!

As they swung out of there Tidus said Sora,"I wuv you.."

Then Sora looked at him disturbed and said "WHAT THE FUC..."

He didn't get to finish because Tidus planted a big smootch on Sora's now tanted war painted lips and with that Sora woke up in a cold sweat and a bellowing scream of horror... trying to forget what just happened and also trying to keep from throwingup the bad sushi he had before the came to rehersal, which would probably explain why he had the bad dreams...

**XXXXXXXXX**

Well that's all for me for now and no Sora isn't gay and I'm not trying to protray that he is, that nightmare was from the bad sushi he ate, I tried to tell him not to eat it because it had been sitting in the fridge for God-knows how long but he just wouldn't listen!

Well...uh...please don't flame me and hopefully you found this chapter funny, please review, don't flame me onegai shimasu (Japanese for 'please'), ...oh yeah and if you don't review then I'll triple FunnyBunnyWarrior's shipment of kittens...

Selphie: MUFFIN?

Chobitsgirl:oh yeah here you go...

Selphie: yum banana nut jiffy muffin,where'd you get it?

Chobitsgirl: a good friend of mine (curling evil grin, Susan's Death muffins)


	3. Unstealthful Sniper

Thanks for all who reviewed (even though I still only got one) but sadly all the shippents were sent to FunnyBunnyWarrior except one by the same person last time, FunnyBunnyWarrior, if you wish for me to stop shipping them then I suggest you review! Well since I'm on my SpringBreak then I get to spend more time on Fanfic. Meaning two things one being: more kittens lives are at stake and two: I get to play more K.H.II whooo! Also for all who like Chobits go to the C2 called 'Expanisons'! Check it out! So let's head on the the Disclaimer thingy...

**(TADA!) **Disclaimer: I don't own any of the KingdomHearts/Final Fantasy characters or at the moment blueberry beagles,(my last one burned up in the evil toaster this morning...sob, sob) well no sense in crying over beagles when I could just get some more later, and look on the darkside I still own my videogames and Samaru,Rimi,Stev, and Susan! (unseen crowd of clapping) Now on to the summary, and since Selphie in the hospital who would like to say the summary?

Riku: well I guess since Selphie is disposed of for the moment and Sora is having a nervious break down I'll do it!

Chobitsgirl: yeah, I was afraid that we were going to have to use Leon!

Leon: hey what's that suppose to mean...sigh whatever it's pointless to try and understand...

Riku: well I guess I'll start now...We entered Sora's dream and, man how random can his mind get what with the mad/bitchy giashis, man and when Tidus planted a big one on Sora my God, that was too funny hahahahahahhahhah (falls down laughing)

Chobitsgirl: well I think that clears it up so now on to the story...

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

Chapter 3: Unstealthful Snipper

Kiari stopped her sensiless screaming to find Sora kicking and screaming like a three year old having a tempertantrum! His kicking ended up knocking Stev unconsious and well I'm too lazy to go in to his nightmares so I'll just continue on about the outside world. As Sora began to spit on the ground the security guards scrambled in from the hall freeing the door from it's hinges.

After nearly falling they properly suluted and in uniscon said," Guards John and Jeff reporting for duty ma'am!"then they saw Sora spitting on the ground and imidiatly with out asking any questions started to do the himlick monuver on the disgusted boy and frantically yelling into their walkytalkies said: We got a could blue dash niner-niner do you copy?

Kiari just started in horror trying to figure out what to do but before she could do anything Sora trying not to hack up his sushi,"aero" and with that the bodyguards were blown on of him and he then healed himself because the bodyguards were very large and very strong and broke 5 of Sora's ribs trying to save him from choking when he actually was trying to get all of the Tidus germs out of his mouth.

Kiari, now having words to say," what the hell is going on here, why were you kicking and screaming a second ago and why were you bodyguards late?", she then began to pant because she asked that all in one breathe.

The bodyguards lowered their tiny heads towards their large feet in shame and said," well, I guess we'll go first since Sora has to keep healing all of the ribs we broke, we were kind of...a...um... having a little coffee break when we were running down the hall to help you, when we were half way down the hall we saw them in the staff center,a coffee pot filled to the brim with freshly brued coffee and a fresh bache of donuts siting out on the table oh, how could we help but have just one donut and cup of coffee...and well when we finished it was so good we thought hey one more couldn't hurt so we ate more and more and more until it was all gone...we are very very sorry miss Kiari..."

Kiari got up from where she was sitting and rushed to them and said," YOU IMBISLES, DO YOU REALIZE THAT I COULD HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED **_AGAIN_**" then she clubbed them both over the head with her overpacked purse consisting of hard makeup containers (makeup inside of course).

Then she turned to her beloved Sora now that he was done mending his wounds and said,"So what's your story why were you screaming Sorakins", with a warm smile she listened for what her beloved boyfriends reply might be.

Sora looked up at her and said still shook up from his incounter with the horrid nightmare replied,"well I had a nightmare and at first I thought I was in heaven because...never mind you'll hit with your massive purse if I told you what happened"

Kiari then looked at him blankly and asked,"now why would I do something like that to the boy I love, will you please tell me"

Sora looked up at her with those beautiful ocean blue eyes, sighed and said,"fine I'll continue...well I ended up in a brothel and..."POW! Kiari hit his empty, spikey-head with one mighty fist!

Sora then looked up at her confused and bewildered as he rubbed the spot where she struck him and asked with a whine of pain," hey what was that for, you said you wouldn't hit me!"

Kiari regained her sanity and replied,"well for one: that was for your own good, and two: you said with my 'purse' not my fist, now unless you want to get another lump on your head you'll tell me that you didn't sleep with any of the imaginary women there did you?"

Sora looked at her and retorted," no, infact the women there happened to be old haggered sacrafists!"

Kiari, comfortingly, and ashamed of what she had just done said,"oh, I'm so sorry for hitting in the head like that, what was I thinking, well any way keep going"

Sora," I don't want to it get's worse, but if you really want to know then I'll tell you...T-Tidus SMOOCHED ME!"

Kiari fell to her knees in shock began to cry as she said,"well great now I'll never be able to kiss you because Tidus did!" then she began to cry louder, that is until Selphie boomed into the room angrily, she was red and steaming from her anger. No, she wasn't really angery she had just came back from the tanning beds and had fallen asleep in one of them and was burned from head to toe, so instead of warily stepping about causing more pain she stomped her way down the hall.

Selphie looked at everyone and with a cheerful voice and a wagging finger she asked,"alright who said Tidus I want an expla---" she trailed off as she noticed the big basket of muffins sitting on the script table and dropped her last question and started a new," (gasp) is that a big basket of banana nut muffins I spy with my large rediculious anime eye?", Selphie loved muffins, almost as much as she loved Tidus but what she didn't know about **_these_** muffins was that one: they were Susan muffins the deadliest substance in the intire universe, they were so powerful they could cause a nun to go hooker in an instant.

The government begs Susan to make her poisoning muffins to use in classified war things, they are also use as the death penalty in state prisons. Second of all: they were a trap for any one dumb enough not to read the fine print on the tag it read: "WARNING: THESE ARE SUSAN'S DEATH MUFFINS, EATING THEM CAN BE FATAL AND COLIN CANCER IF YOU'RE LUCKY(ingredients: anti-freeze, battery acid, and McRonald's(a pun of McDonalds) hamburgers)", on the back of the tag read:

Dear Kingdom Hearts Cast:

This is a trap and I'm idiotically hiding behind a lamp with a tranquiziling gun!

See you in Hell,

Susan

Susan was of course where she said she'd be behind the lamp with the tranqilizing as she thought to herself," why don't these morons see me? I mean It's kinda hard to miss someone whoes idiotically hiding behind a lamp holding a tranquilizing gun?" What Susan didnt't realize was that she was thinking out loud again and with that everyone stared at her blankly.

One of the bodyguards thinking that she was harmless walked up to her and said calmly,"Your Stev's assisant aren't you?"

Susan, wasn't a second banana to any one although she did like bananas just not being one! This angered her and she said," **NO YOU LAME EXCUSE FOR A MEN IN BLACK CONVENTION DORK, I PLAY BY MY OWN RULES BITCH**" and after she snapped at him she violently shot down very one and she was about to strike Kiari when she heard someone say from the janitor's closet," Susan, my love you came to my rescue, I knew you couldn't resist my sexiness for too long"...

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

well that's were I'm stopping for now and if you're wondering where the hell I get these ideas from don't ask because if I told you, blood would probably poor out of your ears! Well please review if you have any good advice just no flames and no I will not stop writing so don't even think about asking me that! So well hopfully you'll be consiterate about the lives of kittens and place a nice review, (flamers don't count) even if you don't think I need improvement please at least put that it was good if you thought so!

-Chobitsgirl out


	4. Mysterious Tyrants

Chapter 4, wow you'd think I'd just stop and die from the lack of good reviews(meaning none popped up), (sigh) oh well I guess to a lot of you think my writting is crap, well that's okay if you don't like it I would understand that laziness is more important than the life of a poor deffencless kitten! Just kiddin' I don't care I just write for fun, but still the kittens' lives are in danger! MUHATEHATEHA! Now on to my disclaimer!

**(TADA!)**Disclaimer: I don't have possesstion of any of the KingdomHearts/FinalFantasy characters, but I do own a bache of Susan Death Muffins here have one it causes...uh...I-I mean prevents collin cancer! I also own Susan, Samaru, Stev, Rimi, and my Benicar pen! it's awesome! now to stop me from my sinceless gabbing now who wants to start the summary?

Chobitsgirl:anyone...hello... oh yeah, that's right every one else is unconscious...

Kiari:I'm not! Can I do it?

Chobitsgirl: yes, you saved me from gabbing go right on ahead!

Kairi: (cough, cough) **EGGS!** the end!

Chobitsgirl:interesting...Susan can you come here and say the summary please!

Susan: gladly, okay now ya'll just met me Susan in the last chapter, and you also met Jeff and John the obese bodyguards, they are basically human forms of largebodies! I just shot everyone and was about to get Kiari but one: I'm out of amo. and two: one of my nightmares has come to life! We stopped before you got a chance to figure out who it was...and who knows maybe some more mysterys with appear...

Chobitsgirl: good job, here have some peanutbutter!

Susan:yay! I can eat this during the story!

**XXXXXXXXX**

Chapter 4: Mysterious Tyrants

Susan slowly turned her head hoping it wasn't him, but she was never really a lucky person at all and indeed it was him! So stuttering she replied," oh n-no it's you the boy from Kingdom Idiots who chased my sister off Destiney Islands!"

The boy retored,"hey, this Kingdom Idiots boy has a name, and she wasn't running away from me...no wait she was never mind then" this boy was once at the top of the hot list until Sora, Riku, and all the other Kingdom Hearts guys came along...his blonde fluffy/flipped-up locks were nothing now compared to Sora's odd-spikey chest-nut hair which some wonder on how he got it to stick up that way...it's a mystery!

Susan eyed the boy warily and said," how do you know my name?"

The boy walked up to her and pointed at her name tag and said,"because your name is on your shirt", then he stretched out a hand and said trying to act charming,"my name is Tidus my dear Susan!", Susan then stretched out her hand and POW! she smacked Tidus and he fell to the ground.

He never really was all that strong, infact he normally never worked out at all. He then held his stinging cheek and looked up at Susan and whaled,"hey, what the hell was that for?" She just looked at him and said," that was for looking at my shirt you pervert, I know why you were really looking you sick freak, my sister was right about you!"

Then before Tidus could reply to that insult Kiari inturputed by screaming," Ahk it's the boy friend Smoocher!"

Tidus drop his come back to Susan and answered Kiari," you know I did actually do that, while you were screaming and Stev was still beating Sora, I got urges to kiss him so I did, no one noticed a thing, and I couldn't help myself he looked so cute when he slept!" Kiari and Susan just stared at him with a disturbed look on their faces as Tidus looked at himself in the mirror, stroked back his bangs and fluffed up the back of his head and naristically said,"oh, yeah who's a sexy beast, every man in the universe would die to have hair like mine!"

Then Susan heard them coming down the hall infuriated and demonic,"SUSAN YOU'D BETTER NOT BE AT IT AGAIN, IF WE CATCH YOU ATTACKING KIARI **ONE MORE TIME** YOU'RE AS GOOD AS COLD CUT SUBS AT THE CAFATERIA!"they said as they roared down the hall.

Susan's eyes widened to the size of grape-fruits and her puples were so small you almost couldn't see them! They weren't speaking english any more, nor Japanese they were speaking a language all their own it was called **DUN-DUN-****DUN!** Mogglinese, the language was so high pitched, so complex, adn annoying. It would cause a city of peoples ears to bleed and also must commit suicide just by hearing a mere conversation about Sora, their dialect was catagorized in a range of sweeks (not sqeaks), sweels (not sqeels), slurping and nose blowing, they were so obsessed with Sora that they had him plastered all over the walls of there rooms, some areas were so caked over with K.H. crap that you would need a slegde hammer just to get through the door because there was crap on that too!

Susan then began to panic as she said,"oh no, gotta hide gotta hide!" Then she began to run around franitically like a chimp having a panic attack as she tried to find a good hiding place because these two mysterious tyrants were not easy to fool so hiding behind the lamp was out of the question! So where. Where was she to hide from the demons that were coming to tear her limb from limb!

Her desperate disposition gave Tidus an idea, although he had a scarcity of intelligence this one was good one so he walked up to the girl franically running around like a chimp having a panic attack and said trying to act clever (but failed miserabily becase of the goof smirk on his face wasn't working out quite as he thought),"oh Susan"

Susan snaped around to reply to his stupidity,"WHAT? can't you see I'm trying to hide like a chimp having a panic attack?

Her words spat out like posion from a cobra Tidus then retorted,"put your cobra fangs back in you mouth Susan I've got a propositon for you!"

She stop and warily said,"I'm listening..." she knew that this fluffy blonde haired love sick dwarf was up to no good but neither was she so she took the tainted bait.

Tidus continued on with his proposle," I'll hide you if you do something for me."

Susan folded her arms and asked," and what would that be?"

Tidus didn't answer her question instead he whispered," shhhh, it's a secret now come with me, you can hide in the love closet with me(also known as 7 min. of heaven)" Then he snatched her hand with out giving her a moment to think it over and in to the love closet they went.

They had good timing too because just then one of them came in her name was Rimi and she was one hell of a K.H. fan moogle monkey! She charged in to the room and snorling and snapping like a rabid chenchella she shrieked," Susan where are you don't make me get Samaur in here!"

**XXXXXXXXX**

AND THAT'S A RAP!(for chapter 4) please review, and no flamers, but constructive criticisim is always wanted just not on spelling/grammar though cuz I don't have spell/grammar check sorry... well the final word of the day is : SNUFFALUFFAGUS!

WARNING: IF YOU HAVE READ ALL OF THIS YOU ARE LIKILY TO SUFFER FROM LACK OF SANITY, AND USE OF YOUR EYES OR HANDS!


	5. Doctor's Unwanted House Call

Thanks a bunch to all who reviewed! so far I have five! Meaning, you guessed it (probably not) more kittens were saved! Now the threat to the kitten population has decreased if you so wish for it to continue to decrease then please review and you know the rules from last time if you send a nastey review then you will get a nasty reply and the kittens lives will pay for your insults, but leave a good one and their lives will prosper! So now on to my Disclaimer!

**(TADA!)**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the KingdomHearts/FinalFantasy characters (man, that get's annoying having to write that crap over, and over again it's flairing up my insanity! but that's a good thing because how else would this be written MUHAHAHAHAHAHAH)

but I do own Susan, Samaru, Rimi, Stev, and still my Benicar pen yay something the evil toaster didn't take from me! (just then the toaster swollows sexy benicar pen and toasts it)

Chobitsgirl: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, so young, so awesome, and now so dead! WHY!NAZE!POR QUE!

Chobitsgirl: well on to the summary Rimi you start...(sob, sob over grave of beloved pen)

Rimi: alrighty cheif! Now you have just met me, and the other two mystery tyrants and I gotta say one thing: SORA IS A SEXILIOUS BEAST AND I LOVE HIM! SORA IF YOU CAN HEAR ME I LOVE YOU WITH A FIERY PASSION! THAT'S RIGHT LOVE!AI!AMORE!

Chobitsgirl: alright that's enough we get your point now on to the story before I lose all signs of hearing!

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Chapter five:Doctor's Unwanted House Call

As Rimi snapped foamy soliva dripped on the floor, from her upper lip to her chin it was caked in foam making her look like she was Santa Claus trying to hide the fact that he was bald with a long shoulder-lengh dark brown wavy haired wig, which confused Samaru for thinking that it actually was Santa and automatically jumping on the imposster and beginning to ask if she could run the toy making factory and inslave the elves, this happened numorous times, and every time her dreams were shot out of the sky like a war plane hovering over Germany in World War II! So eventually she learned her lesson, instead of asking for slaves she asked for reindeer meat!

As Rimi snorled and snapped Samaru came in and said,"yeah,yeah I'm here, what ya want Rim-" she stopped there and instanly thought it was Santa again, for the 500,000,000.4/99876th time, Rimi kept track everytime this happened!

Before Samaru could leap on to her Rimi exclaimed," no stop please, I'm not Santa it's me Rimi!" as she started to back up she tripped over something and fell when she looked to see what it was, she was horrified! Gasping in horror she said,"Susan how could you, you killed our God-like figure?" her hands cupped her weeping eyes as she knelt before Sora.

Samaru completely forgot about what she wanted for Christmas when she noticed Sora lying on the ground, her eye twitched from shock! Then she began to cry along side her friend for the loss of their idolized idiot! "Why must the pure and sexy die so young! I never even got a chance to get his autograph!" She said whaling with grief which Sora wasn't really dead at all he was just unconscious again and would wake up later with a head slpitting head-ake and two demon moogle monkeys smoothering(as you can tell from previous chapters that I like to make up my own words) him with their ear slpitting love! They probably would have known this sooner if they had bothered to check his pulse but they were morons that couldn't tell the word werido from the name Waldo! As soon as Tidus heard Samaru say,"SEXY" this got him to thinking, wow twice in a row everyone give a big hand for Tidus!(unseen applaus) He thought "hey, maybe I could replace Sora in their lives!"

So not giving it a second thought Tidus popped out of the closet and exclaimed," ladies no need to cry anymore because the hot and sexy Tidus is here to make it all better, and replace Sora in your lives. Now who wants to makeout with the **_love_** doctor first?"

What Tidus didn't realize was that it was impossible to convert a Sora crazed moogle monkey into liking somone, or in his case something else, and also that Samaru and Rimi hated doctors!

Samaru raised an eye brow and said,"doctor huh? Well sorry we don't date doctors, infact we hate doctors! So you might want to keep your distance!"

Tidus did not listen he was a presistant little boy and said trying to act charming again (but of course failing again),"come on baby don't be like that, not all doctors are bad!"

Samaru went from a calm warning to an irritated fangirl,"look pal I told you we're not interested in whatever you're prescribing! So if you don't stop asking I'll be forced to tear you limb from limb!"she said frustrated with this fluffy haired nerd.

But Tidus being a complete and total idiot like all of the Kingdom Hearts cast in this parody did indeed ask again,"come on candy pants give me a chance!"

Samaru snapped around and was nolong looking like a cute innocent girl now she looked like a fire-breathing dragon ready to swallow a poor defenciless cow whole, which right at that moment in China a dragon just so happened to swoop after a bisun and indeed swallowed it whole! She then said with red glimming fiery eyes,"**NO ONE, AND I MEAN NO ONE CALLS ME CANDY PANTS NOW PREPARE FOR THE WORST BEATING OF YOUR PATHETIC LIFE!**"

With that she leaped into the air and ontop of Tidus which Tidus just goffily smirked and said," now aren't we getting a little ahead of ourselves, normally I hit first base and the other two before a his a homerun, but hey who's complaining this is good too!"

Samaru couldn't stand his idiotic womanizing jabbering so she proceeded in screading his limp body into shreads when she finished she said eyeing him with cold anger," next time think twice before you mess with a demon girl punk!" and with that Tidus scrambled back in to the closet to save what was left of his not-so-tighty-whites and his life and slammed the door, but just as soon as he entered Susan hit him over the head with the butt of the gun because she was out of amo.

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Now that was one hell of a chapter, and shorter too! but hey I didn't want to spoil what happens next until next chapter which will be up eventually just not today because I don't want the kittens to get overly excited and because my pea sized brain is about to elpode from thinking to hard so well you know the drill, no reviews means no kittens and nastey reviews (famers) means dead kittens gollore! Remember: don't tell me about spell check or grammar check cuz I don't have that!

WARNING: WE HAVE SOME IMPORTANT NEWS! EVIL TOASTERS ARE STEALING VAULIBLES AND MELTING THEM TO MAKE THE MOTHER OF ALL EVIL TOASTERS TO PROTECT YOURSELF AND ALL OF YOUR VALUIBLES YOU MUST DO THE FOLLOWING:

1) DO THE MACRINA

2) FART THE ALPHEBET

3) MASTERBATE TO CHICKEN

4)NAME ALL THE TIMES CHER GOT A NOSE JOB

5) BRUSH YOUR TEETH WITH THE FOOT OF A HOBO WHILE RESTATING THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE WHILE PLAYING A BACH SYMPHONY

THIS IS NOT A TEST!

THIS IS NOT A TEST! ...thank you for your time!


	6. The Demons and the Dimmwit

Gekinashoblobic everyone, if you're wondering what that was, it's hi ya in mooglinese in the doischer dialect! Now to stop future confusion (even though that is my specialty), yes Sora and Kiari are indeed very much in love and very much belong together, and no I don't want to seperate them, remember this is just a parody not some evil plot to rid the world of Kiair/Sora togetherness, infact they are my favorite videogame couple, so don't take this as an insult!

Note: you know what to do at the end of the story, but for those of you who are to lazy to read all of the previous chapters I'll restate what will happen: If you leave a bad review you get a bad reply and the kittens lives will be terminated, also leaving no reviews will put their lives in jeppory (sorry can't spell worth a shit, I meant danger but I wanted to put something different), but leaving a good review and/or constructive critisism (if you think I need improvement, but if you don't think I do then just put some thing nice) will save the lives of many a kitten! So now on to the disclaimer or in mooglinese 'disflamigernica'! Oh yeah I almost forgot so far I have 7 reviews I'm so proud of you guys! Thank you very, very, very much!

**(TADA)**Disclaimer (also known as disflamigernica): I don't own any of the KingdomHearts/FinalFantasy characters, my God this is so annoying I hate having to write this over and over and over again, but I also hate being sued for plagerism! Note: the evil toasters have been eraticated by the millitary, they used Susan Death Muffins! So all of your valubles are safe another day, until time eventually wears it away... but enough of the morbid crap now Samaru you're up for the summary!

Samaru: aw, man I hate having to do the summary!

Chobitsgirl: well how about I give you a ton worth of K.H. crap and a pet moogle!

Samaru: deal! okay, so we left off when I miss took Rimi for Santa and we both miss took Sora for dead, also Tidus tricked Susan into going into the janitor's closet with him, and sorry guys but nothing happened between them because Susan saw to that nothing would when she beat him over the head with the gun! Okay I think I got it all!

Chobitsgirl: good job but you did it backwards so all you're getting is the moogle!

Samaru: aw man, dammit I didn't want to do this anyways

Chobitsgirl: oh well we gotta start any way, sorry for the long stuff up there guys!

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Chapter Six: The Demons and the Dimmwit

As Samaru and Rimi weeped over their beloved oddly-spikey-haired moron his eyes slowly cracked open and as his vision focus he found that two little fan girls were huddled beside him sobbing. So he lifted his head and asked semi-conscious," uhhhhhhhhh...h-hey what's going on here, w-why are you crying?"

The girls were still sobbing and not bothering to look up said," because you're dead, Susan killed you with her death muffins and we loved you so much too!"

Sora's eyes snapped open and he hopped up and frantically exclaimed," Dead? I can't be dead! How am I suppose to sign autographs , do photo shots for the G-Info. (pun of Game Informer), and what about next years calander? How am I suppose to-!"

He never finished because just then Samaru and Rimi trounced him and he fell to the ground and they shrierked happily," You're alive quick let's do our sweel (not sqeal) of happiness! **WWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR,**"

This ritual lasted several minutes almost on to an hour but Sora didn't seem to mind their ear splitting high-pitched sheriking, and he claims it has nothing to do with all the front row seats to System of a Down concerts nor their music blasting on his Nano, even though his doctor keeps telling him that he needs to stop before he badly damages his ears but he wasn't listening to his lecture he was too busy listening to D-devil from one of their previous C.D. that was named after the very band System of a Down and then to A.D.D. that was talking about how stupid war actually is! When they were done screaming Sora asked with a goofy laid back smirk on face,"hey, have any of you seen Kiari?

Samaru then got off of him and said," yeah she was here a sec. ago when we came looking for our pychopathic friend Susan she wondered off tour even though she said she was just looking for the bathroom but I think she was going to try and abduct Kiari again, she ran off with her gun so we knew something was up, that or her p.m.s was flairing up and she didn't want to end up in a long line for the bathroom again !"

Sora flashed back a moment and said," yeah, I remember seeing someone like that she had short dirty blonde frizzy hair and an atitude problem about being put down, and man you talk alot don't you? but anyway she just snapped out of no where like some crazy ass bitch that ecaped from the asylum, and shot down everyone!"

Samaru and Rimi looked at eachother insured and unifed said," that's defenitly Susan!"

Then Samaru said cunningly," hey and by the way, you're one to talk, literally you talk too much too!"

Rimi then intervined in their little teasing and said," so where'd she go do you know Sora?"

Sora then turned to Rimi and retored," no she doesn't seem to be here now, all I can remember is being shot in the hide and then I dreamt about a panda bear conga line and that's about it!"

Rimi and Samaru looked at eachother horrified about Sora's dream and about something else. Samaru lowered her head and said sadly," Sorry Sora but if Kairi and Susan are gone then I'm sorry to say that she's probably dead, yet again I am very very very sorry"

Sora looked at her and said," Susan's dead man, Kiari can be tough but I didn't think she'd be tough enough to take down a rabid harpy like that!"

Samaru contiued," we didn't mean Susan, we meant Kiari she's probably dead, because that was Susan's soul purpose of coming here, we didn't think she'd pull it off because she's a procrastinator so we thought she'd never get to killing her,but I guess she really wanted to do this I'm sorry, but Kiari is dead"

Sora froze for a moment to let it sink in and then unexpectingly he yelled," Yay, are you serious! man that bitch was annoying I'm glad she's gone! My God it was always shopping with her, she'd only talk about crap like Abracrombie this and Limited -too that, she was getting on my last nerve! I swear if your friend haddened gotten rid of her I probably would have done it myself! Besides I never really felt any thing for her (yes he does) the only reason why I stayed with the dumb broad for so long was because of the press, the game wouldn't have been as sucessful if we were only aquiantences (not quite friends yet not complete strangers)"

Rimi looked up at Sora in confusion," but Kiari branded you to state that you were her's, it was posted on (note: I don't think this is a real web site so don't attempt to find it, but if you do whether it's out of stupidity or curiousity then please notify me a-sap so that I can check it out too!)

Sora looked at her and said," do you realize that crap is fan art that we disguarded in to catagorized trash cans, you must have hacked your way into one!"

Rimi scratched her head and retored," ya know you got a point there, somethimes I do take hacking a little too far!"

Sora then lower his eyes charmingly because he knew that he could easily pull it off with out ease," So you two seeing any one, cuz since Kiari kicked the bucket I'm fully availible!"

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yes this one was very short but if it weren't for my explaining then I would probably tell you their answer to Sora but you're gonna have to wait until next time for that! Remember don't taunt the crazies they'll hunt ya down and skin ya alive!

Leon: yeah we might, it just depends on how you taunt, but why am I explaining this to you it's pointless for you to try and understand!

Chobitsgirl: okay I'm scared...(slowly backs away as Leon hacks away at his writs)

Samaru: I love my new moogle I shall call you Muyo! you're so cute!

Muyo: someone help me! KUPO!

Chobitsgirl: well please review and no flamers or the kitten populaiton will be getting offly slim!

Kittens: HELP US!(trying to dig a tunel with a plastic spoon but it broke in four sections)

Kittens: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THAT WAS OUR LAST SPOON! HURRY PEOPLES AND REVIEW!(only constructive critisism and nice review count)


	7. YN?

Behind the Scenes

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**Sorry, that it took me so long to continue this stupid story. But I'm back and am going to complete it! Behold! The very last chapter to this badly written garbage!!!! **

_**But First:**_

**(TADA)**disclaimer: I don't own any of the Square Soft Characters/ staff. Or a slice of pepperoni pizza. Sadly...God, I love pepperoni pizza! Any way...no, I do NOT own them!

**Note: No longer will you have to review. My kitten sweat shops were discovered by the Govt. so the opperation was cancel! And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those kids!! And that Dolphin! Sorry, but Scooby Doo retired. Now it's the Darling Dolphins...(shudders). But if you want to bail me out of jail please place a review! But you don't have to, because this prison is surprisingly nice! They give us nice white jackets that have sleeves that wrap around your stomach. And they gave me a nice soft room! I really don't like the shots though...damn those needles...Any way, on to the summary ,and then the rest of this retarded story!**

**Summary: **Kairi was star-napped! Sora doesn't give a rats ass and is now asking Samaru and Rimi out. What will they say? Can they refuse their God-like-figure? Can they!?CAN THEY!!!!????(Sorry, about that. I'm just really excited. I'm finally going to finish this story. This will be my second complete one too!)

**XXXXXXXXX**

**Chapter 7: Y/N? **

Sora's eyes widened to the size of giant anime chibi eyes as he lie in wait for their answer. Samaru and Rimi looked at eachother then looked at Sora and his over sized eye balls. Finally Rimi broke the silents:

"Well...sorry, but I can't...you're a cute character and all, but you're kind of ...not real..."

"Yeah, plus I'm kind of seeing a guy in Kyoto right now, and things are geting serious, we both discovered that we both like ham!Sorry, Sora-san",Samaru added.

"B-but, you can't refuse me! I'm you're God-like-figure!", Sora said his eyes now back to normal size and trembling.

"Yeah, but we're not super religous, we're just your average groupies!", Rimi added.

"I don't even think video game worship has a religion"

"Yes it does. I Doogled it!"

"Well, it's not like we joined or anything!"

"Of course not, we aren't that crazy over him"

"Um, hello, I'm...right here, and can hear every word of your conversation",Sora said, feeling small and insignificatent.

"Well could you stop? That's kind of rude you know!", Rimi said.

"Well, it's kind of hard not to when I know it's about me!"

"Man, some one's self conscious!"

"I AM NOT!"

"I didn't even say who I was talking about, that just proves how self conscious you are!"

"Man Sora, what bit you in the ass?", Rimi asked.

"I think some one needs a time out Rimi, come on. I don't think he's worthy of our worship any more. Let's go worship Axel!"

"Axel? You mean the red head that looks like he hasn't eaten in years? Okay!"

And just like that, they left skipping down the hall, and to the right where they found Axel picking his nose. Sora was devastated, were all his fans like that? Were they really just fans and not mistresses for his muse? Were they? And why did Tidus leave his number in his pocket? That's really creepy! There was only one thing to do!

"To the freezer!",Sora declared!

He then went to the employee lounge and got out some cookie dough ice cream, and popped in a soap opera dvd. He then sat down and watched the first episode,"Time to break out the tissues", he said, eyes watering with salty tears of rejection.

This would be his life. Sitting in front of a tv watching 'Years of our Suffering' (a pun of Days of Our Lives). Samaru would marry that guy from Kyoto just a few minutes after worshiping Axel and a few weeks later devorce him for forgeting their ham anniversy. Rimi would find the guy of her dreams and lose him because she woke up from said 'dream'. And what of Susan and Kiari? They opened an Okiya and served Selphie as their Geisha, but she would never become the daughter of the okiya because she wouldn't go through with her mizuage, because her patrin would give her the muffin she wanted as a peace offering. Tidus became a model for a cheap magizine which after a few months died off. Tidus had to file bankrupt. Pretty much every one got bitch slapped by reality! Oh, what a world we live in! But what can I say? Father time is a bitch!

End!

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**Hazzah, I finished it! It took me a few months but I finished it! Yay! I hope you like it! Well bye bye! **

**-Chobitsgirl ;3**


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